Hey all. Thanks for stopping by. This is a two part thing as I look to understand a couple of things.
Please remember to respect each other when replying. And please, be honest. I'm gonna love you anyway. I'm searching for understanding, so I need REAL feedback.
First, my boys and I were just speaking at length about the way we have been treated by black people, specifically black women. We all have degrees, are financially stable ane working, no criminal records or kids. I state these things because I've heard many black women say that these are some KEY qualities they are looking for.
My boys and I have also heard many times, "You're not hood enough". Or, "You're not black enough".
So, I'm wondering, as we all are...Why do you expect persons with the above mentioned KEY qualities to be "hood" or "ghetto"...and, what does that really mean? What is so bad about the way I speak or behave?
Forgive me/us, but I cannot be a successful salesman if I speak to my customers using 'slang'. I wouldn't have a good employment situation if I was behaving like my brethren in the hood and thus, had a criminal record.
Truth--besides my mother, I am the only one in my "living" family who hasn't been arrested/in jail. I grew up in South Jamaica...I fought a lot. I played w/all the kids who ended up going in a different direction. My point-I have the "hood" pedigree. I cannot rid myself of it if I tried. Alas, when I'm in the hood, EVERYONE, including me, knows that I don't "fit" or "belong". I open my mouth and speak the English language properly, and I become a target. Most people don't try me, but that's only cuz I'm 6'4", 300 lbs. Not an easy win no matter where I'm from.
Ladies, do I need to go to work during the day, and then hang on the corner at night to fit what you're looking for? Do I need to experience the criminal justice system to "earn some stripes" so that you can be comfortable with me? They call me "uppity", or "too good for us" when I speak. I'm not better than you or you or you. I like getting paid. I work with company officer's and I've adapted to the way they speak. Does that take away from me being shot at, having guns in my face, fights in and out of school growing up?
My women...what do you want? We can't be both.
Yes, I know there are many women experiencing the same problem with black men. But this is about us now. We'll talk about the other side later. :-)
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Okay, second part. I've recently noticed a lot of animosity from black women. And it's been because my girlfriend is white. Yeah, that topic. What I want to know is, why is it such a problem for black women that my girlfriend is white?
I'd like you to understand my thinking, some of which ties into the first question. You don't want me. Why do you care that someone else does? White black or whatever.
I mean, people were hating on my last girlfriend and she was Puerto-Rican. I thought PR's were treated like light-skinned, bilingual sisters. :-)
I really don't get it. You, personally, have zero interest in me, personally. You don't find me attractive, I'm too arrogant, my views on male/female relationships don't agree with yours--any number of reasons why you don't want me. But, you don't like that I'm with someone because of her color.
I want to understand why. Maybe some of you can help me.
Dell-
ReplyDeleteI'll be the first to comment. My first suggestion is to really take a CLOSE look at the quality of woman you're dating or in conversation with. If she's saying that you're not "hood" enough, then she obviously not at your level anyway. Ever thought about it from that perspective?
That's a very flip response to a serious topic. I think both men AND women of color have gotten into the habit of treating each other with less respect. It's sad and something we should actively work to correct. From my perspective it's hard to meet "brothas" who have all of their "ish" together like I believe I do (career, finances, relationship with God, believe in a committed monogomous relationship, no kids). But I truly believe that a lot of who you date is about your circle. If you're not constantly meeting people of the opposite sex that are available and have it going on like you do within your own race, then you tend to look at other races.
Personally I have no issues with you personally dating a white woman, but my issue in general is with people who specifically date outside their race without CONSIDERING looking or dating within it. My baby sis is a prime example - she only dates white men, b/c she "says" that she likes the way they treat her. My big issue is the white men she tends to date don't have it going on nearly as great as she does (she's 24, is a pharmacist, making six-figures, etc, etc). Her boyfriend is a bookkeeper/assistant manager for a grocery store with financial problems and stained teeth. Oh and did I mention he might be a redneck? But she loves him and as much as my family doesn't think he's good enough for right now that's what she wants to date and I can't judge her for doing what makes her happy (even if I don't necessarily agree).
So... I say all that to say if you're happy dating whomever you're dating don't worry about getting the stinkeye from people who don't know you or your situation. Only you know what makes you happy. If your girl is the right thing for you then make a life with her.
People like to lump Black women together as if we all have the same mentalities, which ( i know you know) isn't true. With that being said, you simply need to broaden your horizons, because the area you frequent is full of women who aren't on your level. I do, however, sincerely doubt that they are all like that. Men have the tendency to allow the actions of a few cloud their judgement of the whole. My friends would love a brotha like you, some of them are married to guys like you. My man has never been arrested, he has a college degree and he doesn't feel the need to hide his good grasp of the english language simply because he's chilling in his old hood. That was one of the things that attracted me to him. He's street smart, but he is by no means a gangsta.
ReplyDeleteAs for the interracial dating topic, I don't have an issue with Black men dating White women. I do, however, have a problem with Black men who feel the need to diss Black women in the process. I only date white girls b/c Black women are ghetto, not supportive...etc. I know that their are a lot of Black women who don't like to see Black men with White women and I say, why stress them? It's your life! People who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind.
A lot of Black women are tired of simply being the baby mamas instead of the wives. They see Black men marrying White women and leaving them to fend for themselves. I place the blame on the women. When are we going to stop settling for men who don't commit to us before we start having babies with them? America likes to portray the Black woman as this angry being who thinks she can do it all w/o the aid of a man, but in reality, we aren't like that. Our hearts are so big, that we put up with more than we ought, which leaves us feeling left out in the grand scheme of things. We see Black men marrying White women and not us.